I'm relatively new to DCC and have been pondering similar setups. Others will be able to answer much better, but I believe one option might be to program them as a consist. I have a DCC switcher and a caboose with a sound decoder that I routinely couple as a consist, but they aren't wired together for pickup purposes like your tender is(?). I think you might also be able to simply give them the same loco address. I believe the light would need to be programmed to function when the loco reverses (FOR) or on its own separate function command that is not programmed in the other board. I believe the HO folks routinely put more than one decoder in the same locos, so it's definitely doable. However, wait to hear from someone who knows for sure!
Edit: Realizing my reply had almost no value whatsoever, I did find what appears to be a helpful link on the subject and sent it via PM. I would post it here but can't remember or find the forum rules on posting links.